Christian Jokes...

What Fell from the Bible?

A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it closely.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

100 points to get into Heaven

A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates. 

St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in." 

"Okay" the man says, "I attended church every Sunday" 

"That's good, says St. Peter, " that's worth two points" 

"Two points?" he says. "Well, I gave 10% of all my earnings to the church" 

"Well, let's see," answers Peter, "that's worth another 2 points. Did you do anything else?" 

"Two points? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans." 

"Fantastic, that's certainly worth a point, " he says. 

"hmmm...," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart." 

"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!" 

"THREE POINTS!!" the man cries, "At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!" 

"Come on in!"

John'y version of Moses journey out of Egypt

Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. 

"Well, mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. 

"When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon 

bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his 

walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and saved the Israelites." 

"Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his 

mother asked. 

"Well, no, mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it.

The Lord is My Shepherd

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her 2 nd grade class memorize Psalm 23, one of the most quoted passages in the Bible. She gave the children a month to learn the chapter.

One little boy was excited about the task, but he just couldn't memorize the Psalm. Although he practiced and practiced, he could hardly get past the first line. The day came for the children to recite Psalm 23 before the congregation. The little boy was nervous. When his turn came, he stepped up to the microphone and proudly said, "The Lord is my Shepherd and that's all I need to know!"

Ten Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill.

Lot his wife and the ..

The Sunday school teacher told the class about Lot being told to take his wife and flee out of the city. "Lot got away, but his wife disobeyed divine orders by looking back and was turned into a pillar of salt," the teacher explained. One little boy asked, "What happened to the flea?"

Christian Lion

A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."

And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion
praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank Thee for the food which I
am about to receive.

[WILL BE CONTINUED]